Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!

I am struggling to sleep.king-penguin-406548_1280 Many of us middle aged girlie’s moan about this, I have always woken many times at night but this new phenomena is not being able to get to sleep. The mind races like a group of pensioners to the discount fresh food shelf in Sainsburys and 3 out of the 4 voices in my head want to sleep – the 4th wants to know if penguins have knees?

The variety of subjects whizzing about my grey matter also have a soundtrack. Seriously. I appear to have a problem with whatever I have heard later that day and the music repeats on constant loop throughout the night. It is invariably a modern tune with a constant beat. The result is the next day I look worse for wear but my street cred is somewhat improved when I blame ‘David Guetta’ for keeping my awake all night. Cue daughter crying “oo get Mum she KNOWS who David Guetta is!”.

The projector alarm clock which shines onto my bedroom ceiling is bright neon blue seemed like a great idea when procured. Alas, it just means my racing brain has timestamps throughout the night. 1am: must pay that Visa bill tomorrow. 1.10am: when did I last flea clock-279334_1280treat the dogs? 1.17am: I am going to become vegetarian. 1.23am: I hope daughter gets those 3 A grades needed. 1.27am: did I lock the door? 1.31am: Is David Guetta married?. 1.40am: I really think I need to pee but don’t want to wake the dogs. 1.54am: dogs have read mind and pee’d, what’s good enough for them…. 2.15. am: Thanks to David I am awake again. 2.25am: wonder if son at Uni is awake? 2.30am: decide a nosey parent at 2am is NOT cool. 2.40am: my mother texts, am I awake? – reiterate 2.30am timestamp – NOT cool!

The following morning with a thumping headache, dark rings under my eyes and a husky voice I certainly look like the product of a hard night out with DG. The reflection in the mirror looks like the result of a long night’s drinking. This is particularly upsetting as I rarely drink!

I forgot to mention that my night is shared with two men that keep me awake….one a highly successful French DJ and the other a lovely, successful, good hedog-278423_1280arted Olympic snorer in the shape of my husband of 24 years. The noise recently has been so loud that I have taken to creeping into absent-at-uni son’s bed. I would like to say this means I get some rest but no, wherever I go, so does David Guetta and my internal to-do list. Without the shining blue timestamp on the ceiling in my son’s room my brain thinks of other ways to amuse itself. I mentally move all of the furniture around and wonder if I should redecorate? By the time the sun comes up I have mentally recarpeted, assembled new furniture, ordered curtains and bedlinen and painted all of the walls and ceiling…..is it any wonder that I am waking exhausted?

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